enluminr.

i never thought one night could change the rest of my life

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 02:28:05 -0600

The polls open in 3.5 hours and I can’t sleep x_x

On repeat: Shareefa - My Life and Lil Flip - Letter To Obama.

astrological, anatomical, in the name of art

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 01:35:31 -0600

Every window in Alcatraz has a view of San Francisco. — Girl, Interrupted

9.8 m/s^2

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 06:53:22 -0500

i’ve grown tired of gravity.

joli cosmonaute
notre lit spacial
se meut sans faire escale
de tous les astres aux nôtres
amoureux désirés
aux corps inséparables
célestes, désirables
déchirés, possédés

flottent au gré houleux
d’espaces fabuleux
lointains et radieux
infinis, hasardeux

sais-tu au moins qu'tu m'as fait croire...?

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 19:24:18 -0500

It’s been a year.

What now?

"Depuis quec’qu’ s’maines j’dors pu’ d’mes nuits J’ai la..."

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 19:03:09 -0500

“Depuis quec’qu’ s’maines j’dors pu’ d’mes nuits
J’ai la tête remplie de bibittes
C’est vrai que j’mène une drôle de vie
Des fois j’me dis qu’c’est d’la bullshit
J’aimerais ça pouvoir me r’trouver
Parce qu’chu mêlé comme ça s’peut pas
Le monde entier pourrait crever
Chu juste ben quand t’es dans mes bras”

- Les Cowboys Fringants, Ces Temps-Ci

stacks on deck, patron on ice

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 01:59:00 -0500

it’s kind of amazing how history repeats itself.

i am so through with the bullshit games. sorry, you messed up one too many times, and i’m not playing around any more. find some other girl to do that. oh, wait, you already have one. k bye.

this weekend was pretty much the most intense thing ever. drama drama drama. and amazing highs, but not nearly worth the lows. i don’t get how anyone would do this on a regular basis voluntarily. not worth it at all, but eh, everything’s a learning experience. i’ll stick to supporting colombia’s economy.

"You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And..."

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 00:59:00 -0500

“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.”

- Richard Siken, Crush

One of the strangest highs: the dull ache you feel the next day after walking five miles and running...

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 21:46:00 -0500

One of the strangest highs: the dull ache you feel the next day after walking five miles and running up and down a flight of stairs all night.

es que me vuelves loco

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 23:21:00 -0500

so. i cleaned out my room entirely today.

i have a bunch of fall/winter clothes that i haven’t seen in awhile and for some reason, seeing them again hit me really hard.

the alice in wonderland outfit i wore to my kind of 19th birthday party, which lasted three days. aasa and the coincidental afterparty with jesus and final friday and fantasy and everything.

the grey and white striped sweater i was wearing when i met juan and everyone. still with the ‘admission fee’. when we stayed up all night dancing to ven bailalo. missing the door that one time.

the pants i wore to arabian night. hookah and henna and alprazolam. that game rule where you make out.

the black lace top i only wore once before it got ruined with gum one amazing night. driving home at 5 in the morning through the country.

“saudade é arrumar o quarto do filho que já morreu.”

beautiful boy

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 22:07:03 -0500

I finished reading Beautiful Boy tonight (and yes, for those of you keeping track, I did read the entire book whilst at Borders/B&N ;p).

I’ve read a lot of memoirs about addiction. A Piece of Cake is one of my absolute favourites; Smashed and Blackout Girl are good too. And Party Monster (though the primary focus isn’t addiction) is easily amongst my top books/movies. I’ve grown up surrounded by addiction and mental illness and it’s kind of like my substitute for the whole group therapy mentality — the whole “you’re not alone” aspect.

Anyway. This one was different than most. Most addiction memoirs are a fairy tale in comparison — downward spiral into complete oblivion, realization that rehab/AA are the answer, and they live happily ever after. The end. Obviously, it’s not that simple, but almost everything I’ve read is fairly black/white like this — they have a problem, they get treatment (though it might be difficult) and that’s that.

Beautiful Boy, though… the narrator’s son goes to rehab. Stays clean for months and gets his life together. Relapses. Goes to rehab. Stays clean for over a year and is living well. Relapses. And the cycle repeats over and over, for years. The book is recent (published this year) and he’s still in this cycle today.

Idk. It was just kind of a new perspective for me. It makes sense, and I know that addiction like that is entirely real. But I don’t know anyone who’s been to rehab three or four times. The addicts I know in real life either:
a) continue living with their problem without treatment
b) get treatment and abstain afterwards fairly successfully (of course, they might slip up, but not enough to get back to the point where rehab is necessary again)

So it’s still that black/white mentality that I’m familiar with. I’m still trying to process this book against my established mindset. Interesting read, though.

you got me lifted, shifted, higher than the ceiling

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 02:50:20 -0500

“This is Sammy Davis Jr. Jr… She is Grandfather’s Seeing Eye bitch. Father purchased her for him not because he believes Grandfather is blind, but because a Seeing Eye bitch is also a good thing for people who pine for the negative of loneliness. In truth, Father did not purchase her at all, but merely retrieved her from the home for forgetful dogs. Because of this, she is not a real Seeing Eye bitch, and is also mentally deranged.”

“This is love, isn’t it? When you notice someone’s absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?”

- Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated.

I pretty much love this book.

and you loved things just because

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 22:14:00 -0500

A gram of caffeine in an hour is not a good idea.

That’s 30 cans of Coke. Or 12.5 Red Bulls.

Or mistakenly assuming that a doubleshot of espresso will contain 2 shots… not 5. And drinking two of those. Plus Excedrin.

Just FYI ;p

in this entry i will quote lil wayne approximately 42 times

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:17:00 -0500

I’m not a big fan of censorship in general. If you’re offended by something, change the channel or turn it off. Same goes for people with kids — be a parent and pay attention. It’s common sense.

I basically only started listening to the radio a couple weeks ago when my iPod got stolen. Up until then, I’ve always listened to uncensored versions of everything, so I find myself cracking up and/or baffled at some of the things censored in mainstream radio. And yeah, I listen to rap and hip-hop. I’m used to more intelligent rap like Immortal Technique, but have learned to settle for what they play on the radio… it’s fun. I don’t take it too seriously; it’s good to dance to at the club and it’s just something to sing along to carelessly on the drive to work. And a few mainstream artists are actually kinda clever… Weezy and Kanye, for example, mention the quintessential bitches and bling, but it’s not typically in the form of mindlessly repetitive lyrics.

But I digress. Anyway, it seems like every other word is bleeped out. Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” is a particular example that instantly springs to mind… I guarantee that people hear “lick” and “juicy” in other contexts on a daily basis. Hearing them in a not-so-vague sexual reference isn’t really going to be that damaging. “Venereal disease” is omitted from some versions of A Milli… yep, kids, STDs are bad, but is it really that “explicit” of a term that it needs to be censored? Working with five year olds, I can also pretty much say with certainty that I’ve never heard them repeating lyrics that complex… they’re way more apt to chant catchy choruses than relatively difficult to pronounce medical terms. And if your preteen is listening to it and brings up the phrase… well, it’s time to have that talk anyway.

My thoughts pretty much echo Weezy’s on the matter. “That’s too explicit… but why you listening?”

major lulz.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 01:52:09 -0500

yeah, i listen to spanish music (and yes, i understand it).

and no, i’m not ghostly white pale.

however, getting called a spic by some idiot who can’t drive was majorly lulzworthy.

sweden is just slightly north of mexico, sorry.

it feels so wrong that it must be right

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 01:10:26 -0500

you know, normally i’d be beyond annoyed if i woke up to 13 missed calls from the same person. like, seriously, leave me alone, i’m trying to sleep. i’m pretty sure in most circumstances if i’d noticed that, i’d’ve thrown my phone at the wall.

but this time it’s different. it made my morning waking up to that.

i know all the vague lovey dovey entries here on tumblr are probably obnoxious. but it’s like i can’t even help it. it’s foreign to me. i’ve been in serious relationships before but there’s something indescribable about this. i don’t understand the attraction, the infatuation. it’s not practical or logical, like my prior relationships. it just is.

a couple months ago (9/5…) I never would have imagined this.

some things just can't wait.

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 08:59:59 -0500

it’s that late night phone call that you weren’t expecting.

and you know you should sleep. work in the morning, and all.

but her voice sends you over the edge and you find yourself across town at 2 in the morning. because you can’t help it.

that’s why.

sometimes, despite everything being wrong, it’s right. and i’m not sure why i’m...

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 21:00:26 -0500

sometimes, despite everything being wrong,

it’s right.

and i’m not sure why i’m happy but i am.

no lo comprendo.

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 23:55:00 -0500

pero te extraño tanto.

y siempre te esperaré.

please slow down hurricane

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:07:00 -0500

it’s kind of like an allergic reaction.

there’s something wrong. and so you medicate. and perhaps superficially the symptoms disappear… only to be replaced by a whole menagerie of nasty side effects worse than the original condition.

and then it’s too late. the damage is done. no turning back?

i read this really interesting book yesterday, mexican high. it was a light read, but it hit me really hard. my situation doesn’t match mila’s exactly, but as i devoured the book in the course of a couple hours, i kept seeing parallel after parallel. the people, the culture, the downward spiral (or is it full circle?), etc. there’s this german word from my childhood that i can’t quite remember… somethingspeigel. that basically means something that acts as a mirror for introspection. and that’s definitely what this book was. i was basically reading the past year or so of my life. i couldn’t sleep last night.

and then on top of everything else, wow. she makes it more clear on a daily basis.
why do we both want what we can’t have?

(yes. intentionally vague and pretty much only written as something to look back on later by myself.)

"There are two kinds of love, mija. In the safe kind, you look for someone who is exactly like you...."

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 12:52:30 -0500

“There are two kinds of love, mija. In the safe kind, you look for someone who is exactly like you. It’s what most folks settle for. But then there’s the other kind of love. Everyone’s born with a ragged edge, and some folks crave the piece that’s a perfect fit. You’ll search for it forever, if you have to. And if you’re lucky enough to find it, it looks so right, you start to tear at your own seams, thinking, maybe I could look just as perfect. But then, when you try to get close to their other half, you don’t fit anymore. That kind of love… you come out of it a different person than you were when you started.”

- Vanishing Acts, Jodi Picoult